"Seller's School"... Conspiracy?

We were eating breakfast at The Pier in Flagler Beach this morning and discussing recent appointments we'd had with potential home sellers. We were fairly certain that it would take a while for yesterday's blog post: "Newspaper Readers: Beware!" to sink in - and for us to reap the benefits! In the meantime, it has become quite apparent that there is a very real conspiracy afoot... We believe that there exists a clandestine "Seller's School" - a place where our future clients go to learn their scripts and dialogues. Let's take a look at a "listing presentation" (that's what we call it when we meet with you to obtain the right to represent you in the sale of your home) with a seller who has recently graduated from this secretive academy: Knock, Knock. "Well , hello there. Come on in and let us show you around our home. Let's start here in the living room." "Before we do that, perhaps we could sit at the table and talk about a few things?" "No, let's do this first, so you can see how valuable our home is! Now this carpet is pure wool - very expensive - and it has worn beautifully since we installed it - brand new - in 1987." "I don't want to appear critical, but is that cat urine I smell?" "Maybe, but Fluffy has been in cat heaven for over a year now and we open the windows, so it's not a problem." (Scribble, Scribble) "Now, moving along, we realize the kitchen is small and the appliances are older, but we see that as a valuable plus. It's easy to keep clean... and it's impossible to find Harvest Gold anymore. The older style Formica counter-tops are care-free, compared to granite and the fiber-board cabinets are much less expensive to repair than real hardwood. And who can reach the top of those silly 42" ones they try to push off on people today?" (Darn... This is gonna' be tough. They've been to "Seller's School") "... Thank you for showing us your home - we appreciate the tour. Now let's discuss the business side of things. How do you see the market affecting what you'd like to accomplish?" "Oh, we're very optimistic! One of the agents we interviewed yesterday (Was that the eighth one, honey?) said things were really picking up now - and that if we listed with her, she'd sell it quickly. They even said they'd put pictures of our house in the paper every day!" "Wow... sounds unbelievable! Now we like to talk to our clients about having realistic expectations. We approach it as a function of several important factors: Price, Condition, Location, Current Inventory, and Marketing, being critical..." "That's all well and good, but we need $150,000 clear out of this, so we can build over on the water. And, by the way, how much is your commission?" "Folks, we can show you current comparable sales that indicate a market price in the $275,000 range. With your current $180,000 mortgage payoff, our 6% professional fee, and a conservative 2% closing cost... that leaves you with only a little over $70,000 clear. That's about $80,000 shy of what you say you need." "Well, we think there's a buyer for every house and one will come along, if you people would run enough ads in the paper. And, another thing - we don't want a sign or a key lock-box, because we don't want the nosy neighbors to know we're for sale. And we don't want it shown unless by appointment, when we're home, and we're gone a lot. We want to list it with you, because we heard you were good, but we'll only do a 30 day agreement (like the nice man advised in the News-Journal)... and we'll only pay a 4% commission. etc., etc., etc. When can you start?" (Dear God, please help me.)

"Well, they certainly left in a hurry. You just can't find a good agent these days. Hey, I know! Let's do this "For Sale By Owner!" That way we can really maximize our profit! It should be easy, because we've been to "Seller's School!""